Cool

I have realized recently that I am not as young as I used to be.  I think my first clue should have been the "50" on top of my last birthday cake.  Or maybe it should have been all the comments about my gray hair.  But I have noticed that I am slower than I used to be.  I have noticed that I don't have the same strength I've always had.  I think twice now before I lift something or before I jump.  Part of me still thinks I am much younger.  I still want a kayak though I am not sure I can bend the right way to actually sit in a kayak.  I still want to go play on the ski boats though I am sure I would just look like a granny out playing on skis.  On the other hand I also want things I've never wanted before.  I have a swing in my back yard so I can sit in peace and watch the birds and occasional rabbit. I have taken up knitting and I love to sit anywhere and knit.  I wear special insoles in my shoes.  My "cool" sunshades fit over my glasses and cause people to ask if I've had eye surgery.  Of course I was never cool when I was young.  But I could do anything I wanted and never think twice.  I'm not saying I'm old.  My students will say that for me.  But I'm not sure where the time went.  I don't know how I suddenly ended up here.  Some of my friends have retired.  Others are thinking of retiring.  I look at what is being required of me at work now and wonder if I could retire and do something different.  These are not the thoughts of someone twenty or even thirty.  But these are my thoughts.  So I will continue to want to play.  And I will continue to think twice.  And I will continue to wonder about retirement.  And I will know that I am not as young as I used to be.  But I will not act my age.